How to Support a Friend Going Through IVF

How to Support a Friend Going Through IVF

Fertility struggles can be heartbreaking, and treatment and loss can only really be understood by those who have experienced it for themselves. 

If you’re supporting a friend who is going through surrogacy, IVF or egg donation right now in the quest of having a child of their own, then you can find it very difficult to know what you should be saying or what you should be doing in order to support them. It can hurt very much to watch people that you love go through something so painful, and it is painful to feel as if you are unable to have a child without the intervention of science.

All you want to do is take their pain away, and we get that. But being able to support your friend going through IVF is going to require you to be very gentle at all times. Here are some things that you could do to support your friend in this painful period of their life.

  1. Ask the right questions. Being supportive can often mean knowing what you can know about it, and that means educating yourself as much as possible. If your friend is talking to you about her treatment, avoid making any statements or opinions and ask insightful questions. Ask questions about what they’re going through and the medications that she’s having. Ask about the treatment patterns so that you can be on top of checking in with her.
  2. Start making a note of any dates when you’re talking with your friends. Make notes of any dates such as date of transfer or next appointments. This way, when the day arrives, she will always appreciate a message to let her know that you’re thinking of her without needing prompting. And you can always send flowers on big days such as transfer days. You don’t have to ask how the appointment went and you don’t have to dive into the details. You just have to let her know that you are there if she wants someone to talk to. Just to let somebody know that they are in your thoughts can make a very big difference to their day.
  3. Be respectful when it comes to privacy. Just because she confided in you before about certain aspects of her treatment doesn’t mean you’re going to be privy to every bit of information. It’s important to respect her privacy, especially if you’re going to be a supportive friend during IVF. It’s OK that you don’t know the insurance and outs because you can still be supportive knowing what you do know. 
  4. Take your feelings out of the equation. If you’re going to be supportive of a friend going through a fertility struggle, then you can’t sit there and tell her how you feel about the situation. You have to keep her centred whenever you have a conversation with her about her fertility. It’s going to sting if she has to hear about your struggles or your pregnancies, and sometimes she may want to distance herself from you because maybe you have children already. If you can shield her from the news of pregnancy, do so. If you are good friends, wait for her to be in a better space before you discuss anything to do with pregnancy or wait for her to ask. 

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