Marriage, and long-term relationships have their ups and downs – that’s totally normal. But if your ups and downs are more of a rollercoaster of despair, you might be wondering whether it’s time to call it quits. Often the root cause of these problems is something we don’t immediately see; from poor communication and constant bickering about wet towels and trainers left in the middle of the hallway to the more serious issue of poor sleep that can make us feel ratty, irritational and easily triggered.
But before you do, take a pause to hear from couples that managed to save their relationship with these ideas that really worked for them when they were on the edge. Here are four suggestions that helped them – and they might just work for you too.
Find common ground
You know when you first meet and realise that you have so much in common? Weirdly, over time (and with kids) this can often be an area that gets hit the hardest. It’s no surprise that we change and develop new hobbies and interests, but when we are short on time too it can be hard to reconnect.
Maybe you loved to Netflix and Chill (wink wink), or enjoyed a good hike together? Perhaps you both loved to come home after a long day at work and cook together and now that’s gone out of the window in favour of freezer tapas and a poppity-ping meal for 2. Whatever it is, firstly taking a moment to identify what has been lost and talk over what you would like to reignite can be a helpful start to bringing back the sense of partnership and fun into your relationship again.
It could be that you start something new altogether, of course. Sara and Jonny started a dance class after years of talking about it and never getting round to doing it (of course). “It started as a bit of fun, but we realised how much we missed doing something together that wasn’t just about the kids or work,” said Sara, 38. “It gave us something to laugh about again – especially Jonny’s footwork!”
Change Your Mattress – No, Seriously!
A bit left-field, granted but trust us: a new mattress could save your relationship. We often underestimate how much poor sleep can affect our mood and connection, never mind intimacy. is well known for being as comfortable as a cloud, but it’s now even credited with saving relationships.
Naomi realised that her bed was becoming a battleground after a series of sleepless nights thanks to Dean’s snoring, and their lumpy mattress. After investing in Simba’s Hybrid® Original mattress, she couldn’t believe the difference it made to her sleep, and their relationship. “I couldn’t believe how well I slept on the first night we had the Simba, and by night three, Dean had actually stopped snoring. Completely! It’s like magic. I wish we’d have invested in Simba a long time ago but better late than never, as they say!”.
While we can’t promise every mattress might stop the snoring, getting a better sleep can help us feel more open to communicating better as we feel less irritable. But if you’ve got to the point of not being able to sleep in the same room – even with a good mattress! – sleep ‘divorce’ might be a gamechanger. Sleeping in separate beds, in different rooms gives you the chance to change your bedroom environment to suit you whilst still saving your relationship. And if you are worried about intimacy, many couples report feeling more connected when sleeping in a separate room because of the effort taken to be together. The only question is – your bed, or mine?
Make Time for “Mini” Dates
Carving out time in a busy week, especially when you’re juggling kids, work, and everything else life throws your way aka the dreaded mental load can be challenging for most couples. That’s where the mini-date comes in – these aren’t grand affairs but rather small bursts of time together that are consistently just about the two of you. For some couples, a 20 min coffee date is perfect, for others a leisurely lunch in a favourite pub. The main thing is finding a way to reconnect and check in with each other without distractions or demands on each of you.
One couple we spoke to shared that they love to grab lunch together, once a week “It’s our time,” said Jenna, 42. “No phones, no distractions; we just talk. It’s helped us clear the air after tough days and focus on us as a couple.”
The key here is consistency. Even small moments of quality time can help strengthen emotional intimacy, which, as sleep expert Lisa Artis from The Sleep Charity points out, can have a profound impact on relationship stability. Physical closeness releases oxytocin, the ‘love hormone’, and sharing little moments together can strengthen that emotional bond.
Pick your battles
It’s healthy to have arguments occasionally and air things that are bothering you. But really, no one enjoys fighting with their partner, and it can lead to a spiral of bickering and discontent. The problem is when disagreements become about “winning” rather than resolving the issue and then you end up in a constant battle with each other. One thing many long-term couples say they’ve learned is that focusing on clear communication – and being willing to listen – can make all the difference.
Sue, 54, shares her experience: “My husband and I were constantly bickering, and it was exhausting. But we realised that half the time, we were arguing because neither of us was really listening to the other. Now, we stop, listen, and try to understand each other’s point of view, and it’s helped enormously.”
If you feel like your arguments are more about point-scoring than understanding, it might be time to hit pause and rethink your approach. Learning to listen and talk openly, rather than arguing to win, can be a game-changer for your relationship. Plus, the emotional benefits of healthy communication often spill over into other areas, including better sleep – because there’s nothing worse than going to bed angry.
Relationships can be tricky, but by working on improving your sleep, communication and connection with each other you’ll hopefully find ways to reconnect now, and in the future.
This article has been written in collaboration with Simba. For more information on their sleep products, from mattresses to pillows, go to www.simbasleep.com