What’s in a Name?

Christmas Eve 2015 and the fella proposed to me.

We had talked before about the future we wanted, and how it looked.

We had suffered a miscarriage in the November which broke our hearts, so we were going to take some time, get married and begin our family. However, about an hour after said proposal, it later transpired, that we had conceived our son! 

So, a rewrite of the future was required and a decision needed to be made. Get married before he arrives and be sober at my own wedding (pfft, not bloody likely) or wait and have our son there at our wedding and more time to save for the day we wanted. The latter it was.

But that just left another decision. The family name. Well, there was never any doubt that our son would take my partner’s name but where did that leave me? I didn’t want to be left out of my own family by having a different name to ‘the boys’. I didn’t want to explain myself at nurseries, when booking holidays or arranging anything. For people to potentially assume that I might have stolen someone else’s kid and be trying to smuggle him out the country! (Yes, I am somewhat of a hyperbolic worrier!)

Moreover, I didn’t want the baby name-tag to read anything but my other half’s name. That may sound silly but I knew that was important to him, so it was important to me. Also, my minor OCD couldn’t withstand the hypothetical different baby tags of the future. Some in my name, some in his.

So, I changed my name by deed poll. I have united my little family. We are a clan. At the time, I got the weird looks and the question ‘aren’t you getting married anyway?’ For people who had known me for a long time and knew I hadn’t taken my previous husband’s name when we had married, I also had to contend with opinions on that.

It’s not for everyone and I completely appreciate that, but it was right for us. It was MY decision but was made in complete consideration of not only myself but my partner and my son.

The next big decision will come at the wedding. Do we make reference to the fact it’s unusual to hear ‘do you Miss Benson take Mr Benson to be your husband’ or just let it go by?

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About Ren

Got into my 30s and got myself a fella, a dog and a little baby boy. Southerner living in and loving the North. My work is marketing, my passion is good grub with better people!

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Image credit: Flickr/Jack Dorsey