15 Signs You’ve Just Given Birth

There’ll be one very obvious sign that you’ve just had a baby, sure, but you won’t know you’re really ready to join the Motherloaders until you can check off at least a few of these!

The Motherload® presents the top 15 Signs You’ve Just Given Birth – especially for all those ‘lucky’ ladies who made it through childbirth the old-fashioned way. Your fandango will never be the same again, and for that, we salute you.

You know you’ve just given birth when…

• You’re so dog-tired you can barely keep your eyes open and yet every time you close them you want to open them back up so you can stare at your magical new creation some more.

• Weeing is like lighting your lady-bits on fire.

• Given the levels of pain you’ve just survived, you’re pretty sure you could withstand any terrorist interrogation.

• Unless the terrorists tried to make you poo. You’d give in at that point.

• Your body looks a bit a like a balloon a few weeks after the party.

• You’d give your left tit for some prune juice.

• You haven’t looked at your bits yet but you’re pretty certain it’s not going to be pretty.

• That said, you actually don’t give a fuck who sees your vag (or what’s left of it) at this point. You no longer have any shame.

• You don’t know why anyone would ever have more than one kid, even if it’s your second/third/fourth time around.

• You’re sure your NCT lady said breastfeeding wouldn’t hurt – Lies! All lies!

• Your blood runs slightly cold as you realise you are now responsible for this little life and you will be FOREVER!

• And speaking of blood, you haven’t had a period in ten months but now your knickers look like a Dexter crime scene gone horribly, horribly wrong. Hurrah for mini mattresses and Primark pants!

• You wonder if when people said having a baby was magical they actually meant maniacal.

• This is the best cup of tea you have ever EVER had.

• You just want a cuddle. Oh wait, now you have cuddles on tap! Totally worth it!

About Anna-Belle

Anna-Belle, 35, is a writer, editor and entrepreneur, loves to drink nice wine, eat (and occasionally cook) really interesting, delicious food and the odd dirty burger, leave half-drunk cups of tea around the place and go surfing or snowboarding about once a year to make herself feel cool again
Oh! And she’s a mum to two gorgeous children: Jacques (2015) an Alethea (2012), and wife to Chuck (1983). The family live in Northern California, USA after stints in the UK, Singapore, and France.