Dear She Who Will Not Be Named,
I wanted to take the time to write down my thoughts towards you and how I really feel about you coming into my daughter’s life. I know the chances of you reading this are slim but it is out there in the ether now so you never know!
When I heard the words “I’m going to introduce B to her” my heart sank. The thought of my child spending time with another motherly figure was gut-wrenching and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I chose to laugh and say “whatever, that’s fine” to save face but inside I was thinking “who the f*** is this woman that is going to be part of my daughter’s life?”
Cue a week of Instagram and Facebook stalking (don’t judge, you do it too!).
Once that was out of my system, I chose to not hold judgement. It is not your fault that our marriage ended the way it did.
I remember the first time we met, Waitrose car park at 4pm. I was greeted with a crying child, a nervous ex-husband and a smiling woman who I recognised as you from the wonders of social media. I was bloody terrified that B wouldn’t want to leave you, that she would grip onto your leg and I’d have to prize her arms from around you whilst she screamed “don’t take me away from my new mummy”. Okay, that was a bit dramatic but you get the general idea. Obviously she didn’t, and happily left you smiling and waving goodbye to you both.
Time was a massive healer and pick-ups and drop-offs became much easier. I no longer feared seeing your blonde hair in the passenger side of his car or hearing B say what she had been up to with you both at the weekend. But it still wasn’t easy.
The tipping moment for me was when B was going away for a short break with you both over New Year. I was absolutely dreading it and worried about how B was going to cope having not been that long away from me before. We met in a café and I said my goodbyes to B, wishing her an amazing holiday. As I looked out of the window I saw B holding your hand and merrily skipping along with you as you giggled together. This was the moment I knew that you were not a threat to me, just an added bonus in B’s life. I now know that when B isn’t with me that there is still someone with her to make her smile, giggle and give her a cuddle if she needs it.
So the point of this letter is to say thank you, for accepting my daughter and welcoming her into your life when you didn’t have to. You will never be and don’t pretend to be a motherly figure, just a friend to her.
But really out of all of this we are the lucky ones for having such a wonderful little girl in our lives.
The mum x
P.S. Fingers crossed that it is third time lucky for him!
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Jessica is a single and divorced mum of one very gorgeous and very ginger 5 year old girl, living in Norfolk. She is also a full time high school teacher, lover of singing, Tom Hardy and master Lego builder. You can follow her on Instagram and here’s her fabulous blog