So, this year is the first in my eight and a half years of being a mum that I will be without my children on the 25th, they are going to their dad’s and if I’m honest I’m absolutely gutted but I’ve been pondering on why the date is such a big thing for me.
I should add, I suffered Postnatal Depression after each of my babies and Christmas was spoiled too many times because of it. The memories I have from my first Christmas as a mum are tainted by PND and the years since haven’t particularly been brilliant and I’m finally in a place where Christmas is something I would like to celebrate to the full.
I guess because I grew up in a family where my mum and dad were together and still are, we always had lovely family Christmases and I’ve many fond memories of waking up at the arse crack of dawn to open my stocking then eagerly awaiting being allowed to open my big presents!
There is such a big build up the 25th of December, the calendars, the last day of school, the adverts on TV, it’s no wonder really that I’ve got a little hung up on the date!
I guess there is an element of guilt that my kids aren’t getting the sort of Christmases I had because their dad and I aren’t together, but hell they get two Christmases, is there anything more exciting for a kid? Probably not unless you count getting to eat chocolate on Christmas morning!
I’m doing my best to think of the positives, but it’s bloody hard and I know I’ll end up avoiding social media on the big day as I know it’ll make me feel sad and emotional as I’ll just want to be with my babies.
So, you might be wondering when we are going to have our Christmas? This year our Christmas was on the 17th! A whole 8 days early!
I got to experience the magic of seeing my kids get their Christmas Eve box (New PJs, a DVD and chocolate).
I got to see them open their stockings (Please Santa not at 5:30am!!).
I got to watch their faces as they open the presents they’ve been asking for and some surprises they aren’t expecting.
I got to take lots of photos to remember our Christmas, the first one in our new home with their quite frankly, shit-hot step-dad and my gorgeous fiancé who we are all very lucky to be sharing it with.
I got to stuff my face a week early with turkey and all the trimmings.
I got to eat chocolate for breakfast (Oh, I mean the kids do.)
Most importantly, I got to spend it with my beautiful babies, so what if it’s 8 days early, Christmas needn’t be about a certain date for it to be special.
What am I doing on the 25th December? Probably getting shit-faced while eating yet more chocolate and watching Harry Potter DVDs, because I may as well take the time my children aren’t here to chill out, enjoy the company (he really is a legend) and rest easy knowing that Christmas will come around soon enough again and this time, my babies will be home for the 25th.
So, MOLOs if you too are facing a Christmas day without your babies, just know that the 25th isn’t important, make your own Christmas day with them, enjoy all the things you would usually with them and then join me on the 25th getting shit faced… mines a gin!
Merry Christmas MOLOs, we got this!
Rosey is a mum of three little ones. Lover of chocolate, trainee counsellor and founder of PNDandMe.