Getting Back Into Dating After A Divorce

There may be something of a stigma around talking about divorce, but it is something that we all need to talk about. After all, around half of marriages end in divorce, so it is going to be a reality for many of us at some point or another. It is obviously one of the major life changes that you can go through, and something which can be traumatic and extremely upsetting even at the best of times. But at some point, you might want to brush it off and start dating again – and when you do, you’ll need to know how to approach it.

In this article, we are going to discuss some of the things you should be aware of when you are trying to get back into dating after a divorce. How should you approach it, what are some of the faux pas you should avoid, and just how much time should you give it?

Take Your Time

Probably the single most important piece of advice is to make sure you are taking your time. It can often be tempting to rush into things, and you might find that there is a strong urge to do so, but the last thing you want is to merely rebound into someone new for the sake of it. This often happens when you are afraid of feeling alone, and while that is a natural feeling to have, it might be something that you want to look into and try to sort out for yourself. Ultimately, taking your time will make it more likely that you actually end up with the right person, and it will mean that the whole dating experience is a lot more enjoyable too. Plus, if you have kids, it will be less jarring for them if you have given it some time.

Know When You’re Ready

So if you are going to take your time, how can you actually know if you are ready to get back into it or not? There are a lot of things that you might need to consider here, and the truth is that there is no black or white answer to that question. That’s because it is different for each of us. But in general, the best advice is to make sure that you are paying close attention to how you feel, and that you are being mindful of what is really going on in your mind – and body. If you can do that, you might have an intuitive sense of whether you are ready or not.

You can ask friends for their opinions on this, but it is unlikely that they will really be able to tell you better than you can. So do whatever you can to keep yourself aware of yourself, and you should find that this can really make a huge difference to knowing whether you are ready. One thing to bear in mind, however, is that it is generally wise to wait until your divorce is officially final until you start dating again. That should give you enough time, in most cases.

Why Are You Dating?

Around this time, it is also a good idea to ask yourself why exactly you actually want to start dating again. This is a powerful tool for getting to the bottom of what you are doing, and working out whether it’s something that you should actually be doing right now. Essentially, you are trying to work out whether you are dating again for the right reasons, or whether you are simply doing it for the sake of it. As part of this process, you have to work out for yourself what counts as ‘the right reasons’ – something which, again, nobody else can decide for you.

The whole point here is that you need to know what you are hoping to get out of dating and why you are doing it, before you actually start to try doing it again. That will equip you with the best possible chance of dating success, and of enjoying the process as best as you can along the way. It also means you are much more likely to find someone with the same or similar ideas, who is therefore going to be better suited to you.

Forget About Types

If you found yourself falling into the trap of thinking about types in the past, you are not alone. This is a very common way that people try to make sense of things when they are dating, but ultimately it is a trap, and one that you are better avoiding altogether. Although it might be true that you are generally attracted to certain types of people, relinquishing the notion of types altogether is one of the very best things you can do for yourself. It will open you up to greater possibilities, and it will be less likely that you are simply trying to find a replacement for another figure in your life, whether that’s your ex or a parent or whomever.

Where To Meet New People?

One of the questions that you will inevitably need to look into when you are getting back on the dating scene is where to actually meet new people. This is not going to be easy at first, and a lot of people really struggle to work out how to do this right. The truth is that there are many opportunities for meeting people, but they might not be quite the same as those you had when you were younger or before your marriage. It’s good to keep up to date with all of the latest changes in the world of dating, so that you have the best possible chance of meeting someone you can get on well with.

The most common way that people meet other people now is through dating apps. If that frightens you a little, you are not alone. But it’s good to bear in mind that there are actually a number of these apps you can choose from now, and you don’t necessarily have to go down the Tinder route if you don’t want to, though that might appeal to you anyway. As it happens, some of the best dating apps are set up to provide a great experience and to get you hooked up with someone like-minded, so a lot of people do have plenty of succes with these apps.

Of course, they are not the only place you can meet people, and many of the more traditional methods are still viable. That might include meeting someone in a bar or pub, or simply going to some event that is in line with your interests, such as playing a sport you love. That’s a great way to meet people who are like you, and it’s something that you should absolutely bear in mind as a real possibility.

Know When To Talk About The Divorce

One big issue for many people in this situation is how to talk about the divorce, and when to. If you are concerned about this, it’s good to bear in mind that you shouldn’t do it too soon, as it sometimes has a way of scaring people off. People will be naturally concerned that you are rebounding, or they might just decide – somewhat unfairly – that it is not worth getting involved in a divorcee.

In general, you should probably wait until date two or three to mention it, as you don’t want to mention it straight away. However, you shouldn’t mention it too late either, or else it might look like you are trying to hide something, and that’s one of the quickest ways to turn someone off you. So make sure that you are gauging it right if you are concerned about bringing it up.

Prioritise Yourself

One of the best pieces of advice anyone can have when they are dating is to prioritize oneself first and foremost above everyone else. This allows you to approach a relationship and dating in a much healthier fashion, and it’s something that you are going to want to make sure you are doing as best as you can if you are recently divorced, as you might be in a particularly sensitive state at the moment.

This means that you will also have to reconnect with yourself somewhat, which is never as simple or as easy as you might imagine. Spend some time learning who you are again, as cliche as that might sound, and you are going to find it really makes a huge difference to how you approach dating. Overall, it will mean you find someone who loves you for you, and not for who you pretend to be, and that is something you can’t put a price on.

Take these tips and work with them, and you should have much more success in the dating world after your divorce. As long as you are aware of these concerns, you are going to feel a lot better equipped to deal with whatever happens.