You know that moment the baby pops out, be it through the sunroof or tunnel of love, we are never the same again. I don’t just mean ahem, down there…
I am Jade – I have a personality, I have passions and hobbies and a sense of humour. My brain does produce more than just conversations about my children’s toilet habits and weaning.
Don’t you see me?
I have a passion for writing, a passion for singing, I love baking and I love all things Autumn (particularly PUMPKIN SPICE EVERYTHING!) and although I don’t always get the time to indulge in the above, I’m still here! I still have feelings. I’m not just somebody’s mum.
My partner told me when I was pregnant with our first child (he has twins from previous marriage), that when our baby arrived, I should look into the mirror and wave goodbye to my former self. I laughed at him and said, “NO WAY, I wont be like that!” I’ll still make time for myself and do the things I love, I’ll make it work, I have an identity.
I was wrong.
I don’t feel like I identify as anything else but somebody’s mum anymore. I’m not complaining, being referred to as my baby’s mum means a hell of a lot to me – I’m a MUM, the greatest gift I’ve ever been given, but when did that make me as a person invisible?
I am clawing my way back through the fog of uncertainty and trying to reestablish myself again. I am finding it so tough to find the balance without feeling selfish and guilty for doing something for myself for a change, something that gives me a little bit of normality as a way of self-preservation.
I am standing right here, I’m a person, I have a voice.
We can all become so wrapped up in other things that we put ourselves at the back of the priorities list, sometimes at the detriment of our mental health and well-being.
I am starting to understand now, that by putting other people first constantly, I am pushing myself further and further back from where I need to be. Of course, my children will always have their needs met way before mine. But how can I be the best mum I can be, if I’m not taking care of myself too?
I need to dive back in, I need to search for the person I once was and allow her spark and flare for life to shine back through.
Slowly but surely, i’ll become, JADE- Alfie and Jude’s mum.