Over the last ten years, we’ve noticed trends come and go on The Motherload. But one ‘trend’ that we noticed a couple of years ago was the in-between that women navigate, between postpartum and perimenopause – and it’s largely misunderstood and ignored.
We hear plenty about the joy (and exhaustion!) of early motherhood, and at the other end, more and more of us are finally having open conversations about menopause. But what about everything in between? That blurry, messy middle where we’re raising children, managing careers, trying to stay connected to our partners, while at the same time, our bodies are quietly changing and in need of attention – perhaps right at the point where we feel we have less time than ever.
This is exactly where Motherpause begins.
For many of us, it can feel like this is a time defined by extremes: you might still be breastfeeding a toddler whilst wrestling with school admin, or navigating the juggle of work and childcare, while also wondering why your mood has plummeted, your sleep has vanished, and your periods suddenly feel like a horror film. And then of course, if (when?) you speak to your GP, you’re told it’s just the demands of parenting. But what if this is a collision of two life stages – and you are actually juggling early motherhood with perimenopause?
Are we having babies later?
The reality is that we are having babies later than ever before; and when it comes to our health, this change in the age we have our first child really matters. In the UK, the average age of first-time mothers has climbed to around 31, reflecting a trend that’s reshaping family life.
Over in the US, a landmark 2023 CDC report revealed that, for the first time, more babies were born to women aged 40 and over than to teenage mothers – a stunning reversal of patterns from decades ago. As women juggle the ‘motherload’ with careers, financial stability, relationships, and often fertility timelines, this new reality amplifies the relevance of motherpause – because delaying motherhood increasingly overlaps with the beginnings of perimenopause, especially in subsequent pregnancies.
Perimenopause doesn’t wait until your 50s
Here’s the thing: perimenopause can start in your 30s or early 40s. That’s not a scare tactic – it’s a medical fact, backed by research from the NHS and The British Menopause Society. It’s the transitional phase leading up to menopause, when your hormone levels (particularly oestrogen and progesterone) begin to fluctuate. Symptoms might include:
- Increased anxiety or low mood
- Brain fog and memory lapses
- Irregular or heavy periods
- Disturbed sleep
- Skin changes, joint pain, and fatigue
Of course, you might not experience all of these symptoms – and there are plenty more. Because perimenopause is a gradual part of menopause – a sort of ‘slide’ into menopause that builds over years, rather than a rapid onset. Your symptoms may creep in slowly – and if you have recently had a baby, you might not realise that they are related to perimenopause rather than postpartum; hormone changes are common throughout these years – but the overlap with early motherhood is significant, and often missed.
According to a 2021 report by Generation Menopause revealed that half of perimenopausal women didn’t realise what was happening to them and many felt completely blindsided by these changes. And when GPs still commonly dismiss these symptoms in younger women and treat postpartum and perimenopause as two distinctly separate life stages, it’s no wonder so many of us feel like we’re just not coping well enough.
Why do we feel so invisible?
Culturally, we love milestones. Birth announcements, baby showers, menopause awareness days. But the bit in between – when we’re stretched thin, emotionally overloaded, and physically shifting – is rarely celebrated or even acknowledged.
We’re caught between milestones of being new mums, but too young for most menopause spaces, and so the middle becomes a kind of ‘no-woman’s land’. But we know from The Motherload community that this isn’t a ‘void’ – it’s a full, complex, demanding time of life, happening to thousands of us right now.
This is why we need to talk about it – loudly, clearly, and without shame
This is why we’re calling this stage of life ‘motherpause’ – to change the way that this stage of our lives is recognised not only by women ourselves, but by society at large. Women’s experiences of the demands of this messy middle needs to be met without judgement or dismissal, so we have the language, tools, and solidarity for the in-between years. Women like us shouldn’t have to wait until we’re in full menopause to get support – and we shouldn’t feel like we’re going mad just because no one told us this was coming.
This is where we reclaim the middle – not as a silent struggle, but as a powerful, transformative phase in its own right. The more we speak up, the more we make space for others to do the same. Whether you’re still bleeding every month, or your periods have ghosted you entirely, whether you’re raising a toddler or a teenager – if you’re feeling the mental, physical, and emotional shift, you’re not alone. You’re in the Motherpause. And we’re right here with you.
Sources
- NHS (2023). Perimenopause and menopause symptoms. www.nhs.uk
- The British Menopause Society. (2022). Recognising perimenopause in younger women. thebms.org.uk
- Generation Menopause. (2021). Understanding the lived experience of perimenopause.
- Office for National Statistics (ONS) (2023). Births by parents’ characteristics in England and Wales.
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). (2023). Births: Final Data for 2022. More babies were born to women aged 40–44 than to teenagers.
