Would You Buy a Vibrator From Poundland?

In the interest of research only, today I purchased the Poundland vibrator. I thought I would compile my research and experience, including the pitfalls, for all you MOLOs.

1. The product is situated high up above where the tampons are. Yes, it’s a relief they are not in the male grooming section but if you are short you might want to consider taking a taller friend or a step ladder to avoid having to ask for assistance.

2. They are not obvious and there is not a choice of colours to peruse. The box is a shiny pinky purple colour with ‘vibrating bullet’ written on the side.

3. Make sure your basket has other things in it so you can hide your ‘pleasure’.

4. Put a can of WD40 in your basket.

5. Wait until the self-service assistant is busy with another customer and scan your bullet first.

6. Don’t be alarmed! Your self-service machine will loudly announce “product needs authorising” . Yes I nearly fled the store!

7. Quickly scan through all other products leaving the WD40 to last or scan earlier if the assistant heads your way.

8. Scan WD40 and wait for you self-service machine to, again, loudly announce “product needs authorising”.

9. Call for assistant who will scan her magic card only seeing the WD40.

10. The bullet takes one AA battery (not supplied) and there’s no information about which way round to insert it (The battery, not the actual bullet.)

My initial thoughts were:

It is very pink and very plastic

One squeeze of a well-toned vagina could crack it! (Obviously, after 4 kids, I must not have a well-toned vagina).

It is noisy!

Stormy conditions with heavy rain help dampen the buzz…. Don’t use in an echoey room (or vagina).

It does not have different speed settings

It’s either on or off… just like a husband. Its ‘on’ setting gives the impression it will send you flying across the room if you’re not tied down.

Conclusion?

This is an ‘entry level’ vibrator. For £1? I’ll buy two.

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About Amy

Fucked-up working mum of four desperately seeking gin and a good night’s sleep!