60 Reasons The Kids Are Crying

Ah, tantrums. The moment that little big eyed, chubby and gorgeous baby turns into a writhing mess of angry toddler can leave us feeling aghast, out of control and quite frankly, close to meltdown ourselves. And the reason? Why, you cut their toast into squares, instead of triangles, you fool!

The members of The Motherload® shared their kid’s most epic reasons for a meltdown; nearly 400 of them to be precise. Here, we’ve condensed it into a bite size 60. (Don’t have a tantrum – you can read the full thread on the group, here.)

1. “I wouldn’t let her sit on the till conveyor belt and be scanned.” (Clare)

2. “She missed an advert because she was playing in another room” (Aimee)

3. “We took her camping and the birds wouldn’t be quiet at 3.40am” (Sarah)

4. ” I would let her eat the tissue I’d used to mop up my nose bleed” (Sian)

5. “I wouldn’t let him eat his own poo.” (Cassie)

6. “She didn’t want to go to the shop, even though we weren’t going to the shop.” (Tanya)

7. “I told her she couldn’t be a penguin when she grows up” (Laura)

8. “I wouldn’t let him launch off the sofa and hurt himself” (Clair)

9. “Because it’s his birthday, and I dared to give him a party” (Melissa)

10. “Because I asked to pee alone” (Kelly)

11. “I told him that Grandad was my Dad.” (Helen)

12. “I wouldn’t let him run into the road.” (Abby)

13. “His orange is broken. He ate a segment.” (Kelly)

14. “She wanted to wear one croc, and one sandal, with socks.” (Anna)

15. “Because the Tesco trollies were upside down and looked hurt.” (Amy)

16. “Because I looked at the wrong aeroplane in the sky” (Georgia)

17. “I wouldn’t let her have an ice cream before lunch” (Amy)

18. “Because the shape of a book is a rectangle” (April)

19. “The egg in the egg and spoon race wasn’t a real egg” (Kerry)

20. “Because he had to take his clothes off to get in the bath” (Janet)

21. “Because he wanted his shoes on. While I was trying to put his shoes on.” (Alix)

22. “I made him a sandwich. He sobbed the whole way through eating it” (Charlie)

23. “Her Grandma is in Russia and can’t come home right now.” (Natalie)

24. “I told her not to put a roast potato in her eye.” (Lucy)

25. “I cut the stem off the strawberry.” (Alice)

26. “Because I wouldn’t let her drink wine today” (Lauren)

27. “I wouldn’t let her carry tampons around the shop” (Maddison)

28. “I broke her banana in half” (Holly)

29. “Mummy kissed his finger better instead of Daddy” (Zoe)

30. “She wants to see Ed Sheeran at Glastonbury” (Hayley)

31. “She wants to be French, but not eat snails. So now she can’t be French anymore.” (Melanie)

32. “I wouldn’t let him bite my leg” (Georgie)

33. “I washed her stinky, heat-wave, sweaty week-old bed-sheets” (Kaytie)

34. “I built the lego wrong.” (Jade)

35. “I wouldn’t let him eat cat food” (Megg)

36. “She purposefully put her foot in a cup of smoothie and then slipped over.” (Susie)

37. “I wouldn’t let him bite the oven door while it was hot. Or at all.” (Sheli)

38. “I picked up his cuddly cat and said ‘Meow!'” (Laura)

39. “Because Daddy scanned the fruit pastels in Asda, and she wanted to do it.” (Claire)

40. “I wanted to remove the TV remote from the cat’s water bowl.” (Alison)

41. “The church gates were locked.” (Emm)

42. “I wouldn’t let him collect the fag-butts from the gutter” (Fritha)

43. “I wouldn’t let him lick the dog” (Anna)

44. “He couldn’t climb into an animal enclosure at the Zoo” (Kristi)

45. “I wouldn’t wrestle him before bed.” (Clare)

46. “Because he put his hand down into his nappy and got a nasty surprise.” (Clare)

47. “I wouldn’t let him continue to eat an onion that he stole from the fridge” (Lucy)

48. “I wouldn’t let him eat the wet-wipe he’d rubbed his willy with” (Sam)

49. “My flip-flop wouldn’t stay on her head.” (Karen)

50. “I wouldn’t let her answer the door to the postman naked” (Mandy)

51. “I wouldn’t let him buy vodka in Tesco. He’s two.” (Laura)

52. “Her cheese on toast had melted cheese on it” (Sarah)

53. “Because there was a rogue Cheerio in her Rice Krispies.” (Emma-Louise)

54. “Because she doesn’t have a penis.” (Jess)

55. “I gave him a green straw. He wanted blue.” (Shulz)

56. “I told her not to lift her skirt up at the school gates. I then discovered she’d taken her pants off without me knowing.” (Laura)

57. “The bath water was wet.” (Lesley)

58. “She wanted to wear a woolly hat during the heatwave.” (Sofy)

59. “She didn’t want eyebrows” (Fiona)

And finally:

60. “I wouldn’t flash my bum for her in the Aldi car park” (Jen)

Love this? Share it! You can read Kate’s brilliant blog 13 Ways to Avoid Being a Sweaty Betty; and for the latest from The Motherload®, pop over to our homepage 

About Kate Dyson

Founder of The Motherload®. Wife, mum to two girls, two cats and shit loads of washing in baskets that sit around the house waiting to be ironed. It never happens.

Hater of exercise, denier of weight gain, lover of wine. Feminist. 

Find me on Instagram