I want to be honest from the very start; I have NEVER had a thigh gap. Even when I was a sporty, slim teenager, I always had thighs which very definitely met in the middle. In fact, we can trace my thickly-upholstered legs back even further; I remember having my first pair of skinny jeans when I was about 10 years old. This was the 80s, so back then, they were just called stretch jeans (I think God had only recently invented Lycra) and I remember the crushing disappointment as my highly fashionable strides were worn to a few bare threads on the inner thighs whilst still in perfect nick elsewhere. It is a curse which I have lived with ever since; just when my jeans have faded to the perfect shade, they split right at the top where my imaginary thigh gap isn’t.
Like many of us, my fitness levels have been through peaks and troughs over the years, but one thing has resolutely stayed the same whether I was a size 12 gym bunny or a size 16 sofa resident; there is no thigh gap whatsoever. It’s never really bothered me, I’ve always figured it’s pretty normal to have legs which meet in the middle, but now I’m a mum, I realise that my lack of a thigh gap is actually a huge advantage. I can stop lamenting the split jeans and chub rub, and metaphorically embrace my ample lap.
Here are five reasons why mums don’t need a thigh gap
1. Plump thighs make an excellent spot for babies to nap on.
Stick your feet up on the sofa, flick on Netflix and once your baby is asleep, lay them on your sumptuous, gap-less legs. Place their head just below your knees and hope they don’t kick you in the crotch. Feel free to have a bar of Galaxy and a lukewarm cuppa while your baby slumbers. Bliss.
2. Gap-less thighs are perfect for catching things.
When you’re a mum, you are generally adorned with one or more children. Children drop pieces of food, toys, all manner of small objects. If I were unfortunate enough to have a thigh gap, those objects would fall on the floor and I would have to bend down to pick them up. Food would inevitably be covered in hair and fluff and have to be chucked out. I’m literally saving POUNDS by carrying a few extra lbs.
3. Well-upholstered legs make an excellent emergency child restraint.
Never underestimate the power of apparently muscle-less thighs. When your child turns wayward, simply clamp them in your soft thighs for a secure, harmless form of restraint. If you had a thigh gap, your mini-prisoner would probably be able to slip away!
4. Make a comforting leg-pillow for a sick child.
Sure, toned thighs look good in jeans, but can they comfort a sick child? These things matter when you’re a mum. Your cushiony, gap-less thighs are the perfect place for your poorly child to rest their head until they get their strength back.
5. You can’t grip a bottle of wine with a thigh gap
Okay. So drinking wine isn’t strictly speaking anything to do with mothering. Except it is. The cheerful chinking sound of the bottle in the fridge at the end of the day, the bottle with the cork which won’t bloody come out. Screw you thigh gap – my thunder thighs have got this!