I Am Too Old For This Sh*t

So apparently these shoes, with a hole in the heels, are in fashion and you can buy them for just under £500 care of one Alexander Wang.

Yeah, I don’t know either. And don’t laugh, that’s his actual name.

Having not seen them on, I can’t work out how they work, or why anyone would want shoes that look broken. Which is exactly what my dad would say.

But it made me think about the times when I was a teen, and made questionable choices, and my parents would either raise their eyebrows or just mock relentlessly (“Why would you pay for holes in your jeans?”).

Back in the 60s, when my mum was a teenager, she had a crimplene blouse which my grandmother ironed. Parents just don’t understand. I am a parent, and I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

Fashion? I’m TOO OLD FOR THAT SHIT.

I am also too old for this shit too:

1) Listening to music in the charts

Honestly, what the f*ck is up with half of it? I don’t understand. It’s just noise. I am definitely too old for Radio 1; possibly even too old for Radio 2. Radio 4 is where it’s at, or maybe Radio 3 if I’m trying to stay cool in a traffic jam.

2) Drinking shots

Seems like a great idea at the time; is not a great idea. It is never a great idea.

3) Wearing clothes that don’t cover my knees

No one needs to see that.

4) Flicky eyeliner

I can barely be bothered with makeup any more but I have come to the conclusion that – the staple look of my teendom – makes me look like Liza Minnelli, and not a young Liza Minnelli.

5) Using phrases like On Fleek

I don’t know what this means, but it sounds bloody ridiculous.

6) Watching Hollyoaks

Or anything else which makes me roll my eyes right out of my head involuntarily.

7) Accepting invitations to places I don’t want to go

The kids, handily, provide a convenient excuse.

8) Staying up late

I am ALWAYS TIRED

9) Wearing high heels

OUCH. Boots are so much kinder and I can still fall over in them.

10) Caring too much what other people think

Whilst also taking care not to be a prick, of course. I don’t mean having no regard for anyone else. But random strangers in the supermarket? Big fat don’t care. It’s very freeing.

Goodness, that was cathartic. What shit are you too old for?

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About Fran

Fran is the tired creator and owner of two small people who do their level best to ensure she stays sleep deprived all of the time. She likes tea, New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and going to the toilet alone. She lives in Kent with her husband, the kids, and a dog who’s a big pain. She blogs at Whinge Whinge Wine, and was the winner of the Mumsnet Blogging Awards Best Comic Writer 2016.

Fran blogs over at Whinge Whinge Wine.

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Image credit: Alexander Wang