Ever walked into a room and completely forgotten what the hell you are there for? Opened your mouth to speak just as your thoughts completely… evaporated? Or how many times have you sat staring at your inbox with a brain so foggy you could swear it was coated in clingfilm?
I once found the kettle in the fridge and left the hob on for 4 hours before realising, so I’m here to tell you that despite how it might feel, you’re not losing it. I promise, you’re not failing, either. And no, it’s definitely not just you. The truth is that becoming a mum really can feel like it breaks your brain – and in some ways, it actually does. So what the hell is going on?
The invisible weight of the motherload
So let’s start with the basics. Every time you remember to book a GP appointment, check if there’s enough Calpol left, plan dinner, reply to the school’s email, and remember that Friday is non-uniform day (again) – that’s motherload, aka the mental load. It’s the effort required to juggle, organise, and anticipate everything life demands of you, and probably your entire family, too.
As we know only too well, the mental load ramps up massively once you have a kid. Suddenly, you’ve popped out a baby and you’re not just managing your own needs anymore – you’re carrying the admin of an entire household. Often silently, and usually without recognition. Is it any wonder your brain feels overloaded?
Brain fog: why it’s real, and what’s causing it
Add in the hormonal rollercoaster of pregnancy, birth, postnatal recovery, and – for many of us – a slide into perimenopause while we’re still raising small children, and you’ve got the perfect storm for brain fog.
Oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone all play key roles in how clearly we think. They influence everything from memory and concentration to mood and motivation. When levels fluctuate or drop (as they do after birth and during perimenopause), our brains feel it.
This is especially true with oestrogen. It boosts serotonin and supports blood flow to the brain, helping us stay sharp and steady. When oestrogen dips (hello night sweats, rage, and “where on earth did I put my keys” moments), our cognition can take a real hit.
Motherhood literally rewires your brain
Here’s something extraordinary: brain scans show that during pregnancy and into early motherhood, your brain physically changes. The areas linked to empathy, vigilance, and emotional regulation are strengthened. These help us care for our babies, but this process can also make us more sensitive to stress and overwhelm. There’s another similar change in menopause, too – changes in the structure, function and even energy production.
If it feels like your brain becomes finely tuned to your child’s needs, and seems to drop the ball when it comes to things for yourself that’s not you going mad, it’s evolution at play. And let’s be honest – it doesn’t feel as if we’re evolving when our brain feels like it’s lagging and not working at the point in our lives when it we need to be sharper than ever as we stare at a to-do list the size of our toddler’s appetite.
Then perimenopause hits…
And just when you start to feel like you’ve got a bit of headspace back, many of us begin the next hormonal chapter: perimenopause. This can start as early as your late 30s, especially if you’ve had children, and brain fog is one of the most common (and most overlooked) symptoms. Is it any wonder so many of us relate to ‘motherpause’?
You might notice it as forgetfulness, trouble concentrating, feeling scatterbrained or not quite like yourself. And because we don’t talk about it enough, many of us panic and start worrying it’s early dementia, burnout, or just us failing to cope.
So what helps?
First, be kind to yourself. Your brain isn’t broken – it’s responding to a combination of intense demands, shifting hormones, and emotional load. You’re doing far more than you think.
Supporting your brain means looking after your whole self: rest (yes, it matters), good food, gentle movement, and reducing stress where you can. HRT can be transformative in perimenopause, and there are also supplements and adaptogens that support brain health – something we’ll be diving into more as we discuss the impact of motherpause more.
Most of all, talk about it. The more we understand what’s happening in our brains, the less alone – and less “broken” – we feel.
