As parents of small people having a child free night off where you and your significant other can both drink and, possibly sleep is a rarity. We were lucky enough to have such an opportunity at the wedding of close friends recently.
It was such a roaring success that I have compiled this handy 5 key points for parents night’s out guide:
Ensure you make the most of your limited time off by acting inappropriately as soon as possible. So you’ve managed to tell the Best Man he looks like a tired Jimmy Carr? Introduced yourself to someone without realising you went to school together? Caught the bouquet even though you’re already married? It’s all part of the fun!
So it may not explicitly state in your invite that it’s acceptable to subtly bring your own gin in a hip flask but I’m pretty sure it didn’t say that’s it’s not okay either? No hip flask? No problem? A box of wine, gift-wrapped in wedding paper and a bow is such a convincing present most people will completely miss the little tap (hopefully).
The above two points will help in your perception of this. If your anything like me you’ll think you look like Pixie Lott but you’ll actually look more like John Sergeant.
This cannot be underestimated. We’re so used to eating with a child on one hip or stopping another child pouring ketchup on pudding that when a chance to eat without them arises we inhale three courses in 45 seconds like some sort of half-starved rodent. This however could be considered uncouth at a formal occasion, therefore you should definitely try to sit and savour the food gradually. (N.B we not only inhaled the wedding breakfast, when the night buffet came out my husband found me wandering around the manor house eating a wedge of deep fried brie like an apple).
You will not make it to 12.30am! All day drinking, the relief of not being responsible for the life of small people and a stomach full of decent food means you’re at risk of passing out by 10pm. You may also want to remind your partner that nookie is a certain no-no.
These pearls of wisdom are also handy for Christmas parties, christenings and fundraisers. Make sure you enjoy the party season, MOLO style.
Disclaimer: neither the author nor The Motherload® can accept responsibility for any disasters, vomiting or hangover paranoia brought about by actually taking this advice.
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Image credit: Catherine Mary Whittaker