We loved this thread in The Motherload®’s fabulous Facebook group about the names which MOLOs couldn’t give to their children. Maybe because it would make them sound like a celebrity, or perhaps just really, really silly. It started with this post by Sue Chaperlin:
I love hearing about new babies’ names. But there are obviously some names that shouldn’t be used. Much as I liked the name Charlie I couldn’t use it as my surname is Chaperlin! Are there any names you couldn’t use for the same reason? Or did you use them anyway?
The thread got hundreds of hilarious comments – here’s what the MOLOs came up with…
1. “Ha ha – Ruby for obvious reasons. I love this for a girl too, lucky I had boys” – Lorraine Tubey
2. “If we had a boy my husband wanted to call him Harry. With our surname it was not happening!! Thankfully we had a girl!” Toni-Jane Potter
3. “River, Scout, Ordinance Survey.” Becca Mapp
4. “Jack.” – Nicky Frost
5. “My husband wouldn’t entertain the idea of naming our son Christopher. We have a Martha, though!” Adrian Reeves
6. My partners surname is Taylor and I really liked Elizabeth for one of our girls until someone pointed out the obvious! Sarah Gibbs
7. “Victoria or Albert!” Julia Hall
8. “I’ve always loved Lacey but for obvious reasons we will never be able to call our daughter this.” Hannah Louise Tracey
9. “Louis, and Bradley!” Rebecca Walsh
10. “I loved the name Charlie but couldn’t use it cos of my surname. People would have called him Charlie Bucket from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” Leanne Duckett
11. “Gail. (You need to say it out loud quickly with my surname!)” ShiShi Ord
12. “I love the name Lara and Clara is a beloved family name but with my married surname, there was no way I was going to do that to my daughter.” Sally Croft
13. “Isaac for obvious reasons.” Sonia Newton
14. “My husband wanted Max for a boy but with the surname Sheil I thought it sounded like a panty liner or a really bad detective. Thankfully we had girls.” Chloe Sheil
15. “Jasmine, Basmati, Pudding…” Ria Rice
16. “I always wanted Nancy Olivia, my other half’s surname is Ball and I couldn’t let her be NOB.” Erin Piazza
17. “My little girl’s surname is Ellis. Her dad desperately wanted to call her Alice and couldn’t see why I said no. Bit of a mouthful! My dad is Welsh and wanted to call me Blodwen (He still calls me it to wind me up) my initials would have been BO…” Rhiannon Owen
18. “Mariah” Isobel Airey
19. “I loved the name Isla but didn’t sound right with White” Kelly White
20. “My poor partner’s middle names are Richard and Edward. If you shorten them you’ll get what I mean” Michelle Reynolds
21. “I loved Alice, but obviously Alice Cooper isn’t so cute. We have a Flossy instead” Sophia Cooper
22. My husband liked Jack for a boy until I pointed out with our surname it sounded like a well known pirate! Emily Pharro
23. “I love the name Polly……until I married a Fuller” Nikki Fuller
24. “Our last name is Stow and I really liked Felix! Couldn’t have David either!” Ruth Naomi Stow
25. “Any name beginning with R as my surname is Sole.” Sarah Sole
26. “I spent years looking for a guy with the surname ‘Brewery’ to marry. Dated guys named Whale, Cockrill, and Judge, all totally unsuitable but the temptation to marry for a name was strong” Iona Fraser
27. “Poppy Powell because it sounded like something Scooby Doo’s nephew Scrappy would say, and Max Powell because it sounded like an energy drink! ” Sam Powell
28. “My partners surname is Charles he kept saying to call our son Prince.” Chantelle Elena
29. “I’d have loved a little boy called Timothy, or Timmy for short.” Louise Mallett
30. “Me and my husband both loved the name Ruby, like out of all the girl names this was our favourite… We went with Elena.” Linzi Murray
31. “If my baby had my surname….. I could really use Henry” Natt Tudor
32. “Couldn’t use Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa or Maggie” Kylie Simpson
33. “Richard.” Alex Head
34. “Couldn’t have a Tyler or it would be Tyler Grout!” Gemma Grout
35. “Love Tom, but my partners surname is Morrow.” Gillian McCormick
36. ” I love the name Issac – but with my surname maybe not…” Emma Ann Hunt
37. “Phil, Grant, Peggy…” Mataya Mitchell
38. “My fiancé’s name is Beckman so had to rule out David straight away and all of the Beckham children’s names as people always say Beckham instead of Beckman.. And before anyone says.. Yes I do get stick from mates as I will be Victoria Beckman next year.” Victoria Hall
39. “Several of my friends are petitioning very enthusiastically for us to opt for ‘Jurassic’ when little man arrives….” Nicola Park
40. “Hector. Bahahahahahaha!” Carly Schlechter
41. “My surname is Cox. My OH’s Nan who was amazing was called Doris, which we wanted to try and include in some way. So we thought of Dotty, which we both thought was super cute, until we realised Dotty Cox sounds like an STD” Rebecca Cox
42. “Minnie” Kim Bartlett Schmauss
43. “My other half wanted Rayne for a girl until I pointed out too much precipitation” Caz Hale
44. “Last name is Wilder. Could never have an Oscar.” Robyn Wilder Heritage
45. “Daniel, Paul… and Jack” Rachael Daniels
46. “Louis. Love the name, but he’d be Louis Pieroux! (sounds like Louis Theroux)” Sapner Pieroux
47. “My husband suggested Thunder for a boy….” Gabriella Clapp
48. “I wanted to call my girls Willow so badly but my surname is green and my downstairs toilet is painted ‘Willow Green’ so I couldn’t bring myself to do it!” Victoria Green
49. Murray or Clinton. Tamsin Minton
50. My daughter is called Beyoncé… Fiona Knowles
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About Alison McGarragh-Murphy
Alison is the Editor of The Motherload®, and is also a radio producer and broadcast journalist, a mum of two and a wife of one. Since becoming a mother she has (mostly) gladly swapped a busy social life of gigs, pubs, art galleries and museums for dancing in the kitchen, drinking on the sofa, finger painting and hanging out at the park. She talks incessantly about not having slept for four and a half years.
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