Chloe had wanted to be a mum for as long as she could remember. When she fell pregnant in 2022, it felt like ‘a coming home’, almost. “I loved being pregnant. I loved my changing body, feeling my baby grow inside of me, and we were so excited to welcome our new arrival and become a little family of 3.”
When their daughter was born, Chloe and Ben took her home after a pretty uneventful birth, and prepared for life as new parents. But for Chloe, things felt a little off from the start. The rush of love she’d expected hadn’t come. She felt like she was left holding the baby, and feeling kind of disconnected from the reality of being a mum.
“I was worried people would think I was a bad mum”
“I couldn’t explain it – and actually, I was scared to. I was worried people would think that I was a bad mother, or a failure.” Chloe tried to carry on as normal, but soon found it overwhelming to manage the fears and worries she had. “I had visions of dropping my daughter down the stairs, of knives plunging into her little body while I was cooking, of crashing the car with her in it. It was all consuming. I felt like I was losing my mind.”
Chloe was later diagnosed with postnatal depression, which is a condition that affects 1 in 10 women in the first year after having a baby. Experts believe that the real figure may be even higher due to the stigma around maternal mental health, as many women fail to report their experiences for fear of being seen, like Chloe, as failing or not a ‘good mum’, or worse, that their baby may be at risk.
Understanding what PND is (and it’s not ‘the baby blues’)
PND is a type of depression that can occur after giving birth and falls under the umbrella of ‘maternal mental health’ – ie, mental health issues that are related to pregnancy, birth and motherhood. While many of us have heard about the “baby blues”, the handful of days when we feel might feel tearful, low and ‘blue’ as a result of the hormonal shift that occurs after having a baby, PND is different. It’s more intense, lasts longer, and can affect us at any time during the first year after birth.
In fact, postnatal depression doesn’t always strike straight away and for some women, it might not become apparent for some months, even after a year from giving birth. Some of us might notice signs months after our baby arrives, when we’re back at work or when life feels like it’s meant to have settled down. It’s important to know that experiencing postnatal depression doesn’t make you a ‘bad mum’, or mean you aren’t coping. It’s something that is outside of your control and can be due to a number of factors, from hormone imbalance to how safe you feel in early motherhood, your relationship and even financial worries.
How do you know if you have PND?
It’s important to know that maternal mental health illness – and postnatal depression – can be different for all of us. If you experience any of the below, whether during pregnancy or after giving birth you should speak to your GP in the first instance. These are common signs but there are ways that PND can manifest individually and in line with your own circumstances, so ensuring that you know the symptoms can help you to advocate for yourself, or a loved one you are worried about.
- Persistent low mood: Feeling sad, hopeless, or numb for much of the day.
- Difficulty bonding with your baby: You might feel disconnected, resentful, or unable to enjoy moments with your little one.
- Tearfulness: Feeling on the verge of tears or crying more than usual.
- Exhaustion beyond the norm: While being tired is expected with a baby, this goes beyond that – a bone-deep fatigue that doesn’t lift even with sleep.
- Anxiety or worry: Constantly feeling on edge, fearful, or worrying about things that wouldn’t usually bother you.
- Irritability: Feeling short-tempered or unusually frustrated, often directed at yourself, your partner, or others around you.
- Changes in appetite: Eating too much or too little compared to your usual habits.
- Loss of interest: Finding it hard to enjoy activities or moments that used to bring happiness.
- Physical symptoms: Headaches, stomach problems, or other unexplained aches and pains.
Finding help, when you need it
Realising you might be experiencing PND can feel daunting, but taking those first steps can make a world of difference:
Talk to someone you trust
Start by opening up to someone you feel comfortable with – your partner, a close friend, or a family member. Sharing how you feel can be a relief and is often the first step towards finding support.
Reach out to your GP or health visitor
Your GP or health visitor can provide guidance, support, and referrals to specialists if needed. They’re there to help us, not judge us.
Access support organisations
There are incredible organisations dedicated to helping mums through postnatal mental health challenges:
- PANDAS Foundation: Offers support groups, a helpline, and resources for perinatal mental health.
- The Association for Postnatal Illness (APNI): Provides practical advice and emotional support for mums experiencing PND.
- Perinatal Mental Health Partnership UK: Runs campaigns like Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week (MMHAW) and provides useful resources.
Seek peer support
Connecting with other mums who understand what we’re going through can be incredibly healing. Many local areas have PND support groups or online communities, like The Motherload, where we can share experiences in a safe, understanding space that’s free from judgement.