10 Things Little People Must Do When Starting School

Parents get loads of advice on how to prepare for starting school, but what about the kids?? Here are ten tips to help the little darlings on their new venture…

1. Have a lie in

This might be new to you, many of you may normally consider 6am a fair and usual get up time but save this for the weekends folks, school run mornings require a lie in. For bonus points be extra grumpy and if possible sneak back to bed after you have been woken.

2. Revolt

Suddenly decide that the colour of your school uniform – blue, red, green, doesn’t matter – is revolting, refuse to wear it.

3. Dress for the weather

Take a sneaky look out the window, is it raining? Refuse a coat. Looking cold? Insist on no vest and just a t-shirt. Warm and sunny? Dig out the thick coat grandma bought you for the winter.

4. Try something new

Decide you want peanut butter for breakfast despite never having eaten this for breakfast before in your life (nb. obviously only tell your parent this after they have made you your usual breakfast).

5. Hydration

You will have a new water bottle for school. Deploy this weapon wisely, it can be used in a multitude of ways. Take up the challenge of drinking its entire contents before you get to the front door, lose it in ever-dramatic fashions, suddenly declare this is not your water bottle yours is “purple and grey like Spiderman’s”, use it as a cudgel to beat your little sister or just open the top and wave it enthusiastically while warning the parent of choice that it is leaking (extra bonus points for doing the last two whilst your mother breastfeeds twins and can do nothing to stop you)

6. I spy

Now you are out of the house there are still important rules to remember. Keep those eyes peeled on the walk, there will be dog poo. Dog poo must be pointed out, looked at, examined at close quarters. If you think you have missed some don’t be afraid to tell your parent and insist on going back to smell it.

7. Make friends

You will meet other parents and children on the school run. Make sure you talk about them and not to them and try to sound as judgemental as possible a few good phrases to try are “Mummy why do those children not have helmets on?”, “Mummy what is that man drinking?” And one I used just this morning “Mummy why is she in her pyjamas?”

8. Speed

This is an important factor in the walk to school; too slow and you run the risk of being close to your parent, too fast and you might not make them worry you will be late. Listen carefully to the grinding of your parent’s molars to find the optimum pace.

9. Route plan

Choose your route wisely. This is a great time to explore your local area, frequently suggest different roads to take and new ways to get to your school.

10. Secrecy

Now this only applies to the walk home but it is vital. When questioned deny everything. What did you do at school? Nothing. What did you have for lunch? Nothing. Did you have playtime? No. Deny everything, what happens in the classroom stays in the classroom! Stay strong little humans!

Image credit: Katie London