Sexy Time, by Riona O’Connor
She says ‘hey husband, I see you looking at me
Like you can see through my T but I’m feeling beastly’
See she’s not stopped all day
Her priority ain’t making you spray
Her wanting your loins are your date night wishes
She can’t multi-task your boner while she’s doing dishes
So here’s how to guarantee your date night pants come down
She’s tired so no porn you’re not getting your thing in the brown
Growl at granny knickers ignore snot stains
Bring your gaze to her eyes, don’t trace those varicose veins
If she’s all touched out there’ll be no tweaking
Try this foreplay and that bed will be squeaking
Descale that kettle scrape it out ya steam clean that floor
Don’t let dust settle scrub a dub the back of that drawer
Wipe that shower, bleach that toilet turn that hoover
on on on on on on
And you might get sexy time all night long – if the night were three
minutes long…
If you want to blow your load then put on a load… of washing
If you want to get your nut off scrub that dirt off… the bin
If you want to cream pie then bring her some pie… don’t eat it
If you want to dip your wick be patient with your dick… and clean it
bring her wine
Defrost that freezer, clean out that plug get out that hair
Don’t be an Ebeneezer give her treats then you say a prayer she’s
Not on her period, not had a bad day, had a good night’s sleep, run her a bath
Then you might get sexy time all night long – if the night were three
minutes long…
About Riona O’ Connor
Riona, AKA The Unnatural Woman is an actor, singer, over-eater and blogger, usually found on a West End stage. Nowadays she spends much of her time despairing over how to entertain her young baby or plotting how to make Wine Time as compulsory as baby groups and cake.
Facebook: www.facebook.com/theunnaturalwoman/