The Bright Side
Oh when your life feels shit and you feel like a hit of heroin in your arm
When your husband says fuck it your hole is like a bucket and he won’t have sex with you anymore there’s a bright side…
Your kids treat you like a joke the microwave is broke and you’re out of coffee, gin and WINE
You’ve not been out in months your childless friends are cunts and they’ve all forgotten that you still exist
There’s a bright side oh yes there’s a bright side
CHORUS
Cause you don’t do heroin you can always get takeaway and wine
If your hole is huge you can make some money from ‘Freak Porn’
If your kids are dicks sure just take lots of pics and shame them when they’re older
Just go out with your mammy friends they’re cheaper drunks anyway
Oh when sleep is in the past you don’t think that you’ll last cause you feel like Freddie Krueger
When your guy wants in the back but you hate him near your crack you try anyway then you can’t sit down for weeks, there’s a bright side…
You’ve stopped earning your own money and no one calls you honey cause you’ve lost all sex appeal now you’re a mom
Breastfeeding leaves you dry, no American pie and you’ve spent ten quid on Vaseline
There’s a bright side, oh yes there’s a bright side
CHORUS
If you look like hell on earth then why not drink more anyway?
If your ass if off limit spend more time and get tips from your gay friends – they’re more fun
If no one fancies you you’ve got a head start on your sexuality dying
Media tells me that happens at 40 anyway
So now you’re just a mom tea is your Jaeger-bomb and you won’t have excess energy again
Hard to dress the brand new you though you used to have clue and black sacks are your mammy fashion choice, there’s a bright side…
You’ve rocked and hugged and fed, your boobs have cracked and bled and witching hour lasts longer than an hour
You can’t have a poo in peace your brain is out on lease to the toddler tipping biscuits on the floor
But there’s a bright side oh yes there’s a bright side
CHORUS
If you have no energy you can moan all you want no one listens to mom
If you can’t dress well it’s a great excuse not to leave your house ever again
If your boobs are like hostel then…. I’ve got nothing…. sorry
Just remember they’ll grow up and leave us eventually
That’s the bright side
Love this? Then you’ll love Riona’s classic MOLO blog about being woken up horribly early – read it here
About Riona O’ Connor
Riona, AKA The Unnatural Woman is an actor, singer, over-eater and blogger, usually found on a West End stage. Nowadays she spends much of her time despairing over how to entertain her young baby or plotting how to make Wine Time as compulsory as baby groups and cake.
Facebook: www.facebook.com/theunnaturalwoman/
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