In my mind I’m still fashionable, slim and fun. I watch TV and see women like that and I believe I’m in that group, that I relate to them…But my mirrors image tells a different story. I look at my reflection and see a podgy, plain, tired and dare I say mumsy person. Is this me?
If a film director was going to cast a typical mum I’m afraid to say I completely fit that bill, only I’d be the crazier, frazzled one with more kids than sense. I’m about to get a new car which totally puts me into the ‘soccer mom’ category. It’s a people carrier and I’ve even said out loud “well it’s not that nice looking but it’s really practical” – dear lord help me!
Is it the kids? Do my children (three kids who are all under school age I should add) suck out my sense of ‘me’ as well as leeching my energy? They keep me busy, as you can imagine, so they are genuine excuses on why I don’t have time to exercise or read magazines or keep current on just about anything. A friend asked me if I’d heard someone’s new song the other day and my reply was “I didn’t even know he had a new song, I don’t listen to the radio anymore because in the car it’s all songs from The Lion Guard that I’ve had to download”.
Bloody hell! The mummy side of me is taking over, where have I gone? Where is the girl who had fun? Who went out and enjoyed herself? Who exercised because she liked it? I used to walk out of the door and do the checklist – phone, purse, keys – go! Now its child one, child two, child three, nappies, bottles, wet wipes, three changes of clothes, snacks, spare dummies, muslin squares oh and maybe a lip balm for mummy.
At what point did I give up on me?
So with this blog I thee pledge to try harder. To go for a run or swim (once I’m over this cold, it’s a killer!). To put the radio on (and try and drown out the whining for Disney songs). To read something (anything!) and to find my sense of me again.
Being a mum has changed me a lot, in some ways definitely for the better and I wouldn’t change the sprogs for one second but I cannot lose my sense of me. That’s one thing worth fighting for.
I’m Liz and I’m a stay at home mum of three tiny humans. I write a blog called Mum Still Standing about the disasters and triumphs of our lives and tough as it can be – I’m still standing…just!
Image credit: Liz Stout